I did it! I survived what was undoubtedly the hardest month of my life. I don't want to dwell in the drama of it. I am just so grateful to be sharing that my kids are okay.
A quick summary -- on March 2nd my two year old son Ryan fell off our bed, broke his leg, and was basically immobilized for the month in a spica cast that wrapped around his entire torso and right leg. A situation that required round the clock attention. Two days later our son James started running high fevers that landed us in the hospital as we tried to figure out what was making him sick. A month full of uncertainty, fear, and waiting to see what happened. A month when neither of my boys were 100% okay.
There were a lot of moments when this "present" mama wasn't so present. I was hysterical. Screaming into pillows. Collapsing on the floor in the doctors office. Taking Klonopin. Not eating. It wasn't pretty. I had to do what I needed to do.
But I also had A LOT of moments when I felt like mother-f---king superwoman and couldn't believe how I was doing what I was doing. Where I did my best to dig deep. Like really deep. Mustering every cell of strength in my body to be calm and strong for my boys. There were also moments of extreme appreciation - acknowledging and thanking the nurses and doctors who were exceptional not only with our son but with my husband and I. Recognizing the team of support we have - my parents, my in laws, my sister, our incredible nanny, friends and family reaching out to help. How much harder it would have been without them.
Motherhood is hard. It’s not always easy to be present. And sometimes we do what we need to do to get by. But the tools I have in my back pocket certainly helped. Can’t wait to continue to share them with all of you.